


Oh Nose!

by InfinityIllusion



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Horcruxes, Noses, Well maybe crack treated seriously, phone fic, the premis is crack at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:52:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7941958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfinityIllusion/pseuds/InfinityIllusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of how Tom Riddle, know to his minions as Lord Voldemort, chose power and questionable immortality over having a nose and hair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Nose!

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are, CC, fieldoffantasies. Not sure it's what you were expecting, but hopefully it entertains!
> 
> To everyone else: um. I'll get on updating things...and responding to comments I promise. It's probably going to be tomorrow. Or Sunday. Or something. It really depends on how often I'm kidnapped/guilt-tripped by my family to go places/bond.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Voldemort's nose. That would be disgusting. It also means that I don't own anything but the vague premise and even that's a bit sketchy since I came up with it with friends.
> 
> Warnings: crack, probable spelling errors since I wrote this on my phone and am posting from there too.

* * *

Initially, Tom found horcruxes mentioned in passing -- it was for some essay on "rituals and spells of the darkest arts," as obviously Merrythought was trying to ensure that another Dark Lord would rise in the next few years or so, so he could have one final feather in his cap beyond teaching a number of mediocre if not utterly untalented Hogwarts students. Not that Tom -- or Voldemort as his inner circle were coming to call him behind closed doors -- would protest, as this assignment coincided nicely with his own interests.

Unfortunately, the book young Voldemort had found did not cite any sources regarding horcruxes; it merely labeled them one of the "moft horrible creationf ever begotten by a wizard."

However, Voldemort was charming, and as clearly his goals aligned with Professor Merrythought's, he decided to use the professor as a resource.

"Excuse me, sir. I have a question about this week's assignment."

"Ah, Tom, a question? This is unusual. Go ahead, go ahead!"

"Yes, sir. I came across, in a book for our assignment this week, a mention of a creation called a...horcrux, I believe. I was thinking that I might use this as the topic of my essay, since it was described as one of the 'most horrible creations begotten by a wizard,' but I'm not sure where in the library to look for more information. Could you...point me in the right direction?"

Merrythought, who'd paled when Voldemort had mentioned "horcruxes," visibly tried to gather himself.

(Perhaps he _wasn't_ trying to create a Dark Lord that he could vanquish after his impending retirement.)

"Ah... _horcruxes_ _,_ Tom? Well...I suppose since that assignment is due in a few days I ought to tell you..."

Resettling himself in the chair behind his desk, Merrythought fiddled with his glasses before beginning a list of books.

"A History of Dark Lords, Most Cursed Objects...."

"...The Comprehensive Compendium of Most Evil Creations, the second edition, and What Were They Thinking: Things Wizards and Witches did that the World Regretted, the first edition."

Voldemort moved to his current table within the Restricted Section, where the other two books Merrythought had listed were stacked.

Deciding to begin with the creator, of at least the first user of horcruxes, Voldemort shuffled the books so that A History of Dark Lords was in front of him, and a fresh piece of parchment was next to the book, along with a sharp quill and a, for the moment, capped bottle of ink.

Five hours later, Voldemort had an extensive set of notes, basic idea of the ritual and its history, a series of warnings, and an idea of where he could find the specifics for the ritual.

However, it was the list of warnings that gave him pause.

"It appears the largest detractor for horcruxes is the effect their creation has on one's physical appearance, specifically one's nose.

"Although it is doubtful that a truly committed person would object to such a sacrifice, given that they are willing to mutilate his, her, or its soul for power and near immortality, one who is interested in pursuing the Darkest Arts would likely know the influence one can wield with a pleasing face.

"To this end, one should note that Herpope the Foul's previously aquiline nose became somewhat less well formed and was possibly a contributing factor of his public fall from grace...."

Voldemort sat back in his chair, and played with his quill as he thought.

Admittedly, his current physical appearance had granted him many favors...but immortality was his goal. Being near immortal would be close enough, until he discovered proper immortality (and, of course, eternal youth). Besides, he figured, if he had enough power, he could simply recreate his current looks. He ought to be powerful enough to do so by the time his current appearance started to fade.

And, perhaps using a magical number -- like seven -- might diminish the effects a horcrux would have on his physical appearance, while bolstering the magic that would make him immortal.

Thus it was that Tom Marvolo Riddle, known to his minions as Lord Voldemort, chose power (and insanity, and, most importantly, quasi-immortality), over his nose (and hair).

Fin.

* * *

Comments are always welcome! Also, feel free to poke me on tumblr. I'm fins-illusion.tumblr.com

Fini

 


End file.
